| (no subject) |
[Feb. 23rd, 2007|01:03 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Gov't Mule - Time to Confess | ] |
Just a few quick notes on life since the last time I posted:
-Study Abroad is very much up in the air. I'm trying to get into a USF program in Argentina for the summer, but paying for it is a serious problem. If that falls through, I'll have to start looking to spring of next year.
-Classes are going well. I'm taking Spanish Conversation and Composition, Ethnic Politics (that's right, another Ellis class, but it's going really well so far), Intermediate Macroeconomics, and Math Tools for Economists (I know, I know, total cop-out, but what am I supposed to do? Take a real match class? fuck that).
-I'm dreading another summer at home.
-I'm once again without a car, but happy that I don't have to worry about it breaking down like I have with the Altima and the Camry.
-Primus, the Allman Brothers Band, Mahavishnu Orchestra, Phish, and Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young are new additions to my favorite bands list.
-A major question for me to ponder over the next couple of years is whether I want to go for a PhD or just a Master's. This is important because the career tracks are much different and PhDs require four more years of school. The real question is whether or not I want to be a professor. I'm leaning no, but that could change.
-I need a girlfriend. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 5th, 2007|03:09 pm] |
Man, I hate it here. Winter vacation started out fine enough, but it has deteriorated to the point that, well, it's exactly like it was for me in late July/August: utterly miserable. My mom is back in a manic cycle, as of yesterday. My dad is getting on my back about stuff. He even told me today to get a hair cut. I feel like not doing it just to spite him...but I have no reason to be angry at him, other than that I really don't want to be told what to do considering I've been living on my own most of the last year. And hair especially, I mean, I've seen pictures. When he was my age, he grew his hair out longer than mine. What the fuck does he care about my hair. I'm really just being moody and irritable right now because that just seems to be the mood that this house perpetually puts me in.I can't wait to get back to campus. I wish I could just fall asleep and wake up on Sunday when Scott comes by to pick me up for the drive back to Sarasota. I think I'm going to look into alternative living arrangements for summer. I can't live here for more than a week or two at a time. Why do we even need a fucking summer break? Fuck it. That's what I just feel like screeming out at the top of my lungs right now: FUCK IT!!!!!
On a much different note, I'm really hoping to see Children of Men soon. It looks like a really good dystopian flick, and it's from the guy who directed Y Tu Mama Tambien, which was a great movie. I also want to see Pan's Labrynth, which I've read good things about. |
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| Florida needs Seasons |
[Dec. 29th, 2006|03:04 am] |
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I'm sitting on my couch watching Adult Swim and drinking alone at 2 in the morning. Man, it's starting to feel a lot like summer 'round here. In other words, it's time for me to go back to campus. Any sourness I was feeling towards my friends towards the end of the semester is dying away, being replaced by yearning for the good times of hanging out with my friends. At least I don't have months of this shit left like I did during the summer. |
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| Back in the FTL |
[Dec. 20th, 2006|08:22 pm] |
I satted intermediate microeconomics, the hardest class I have ever taken, so I'm pretty psyched right now. My Latin American Politics tutorial evaluation was very favorable - I'm so glad I went through with it. I'm still waiting on International Political Economy and Intermediate Spanish, but I'm sure I passed both. This semester was a struggle. Classes were frickin tough, but I liked them, and I'm excited about next semester. I had a lot of fun partying with friends, even though things got a little testy towards the end of the semester when the drama and the stress got to be too much. ISP should be better. Home is okay - a badly needed break. All I've done this week is spend $100 at Gamestop, lock myself in my room, and play video games and do other solitary activities. I've had little human contact, and I'm okay with that right now. However, in a matter of days, I'll be ready to go back and see my friends again.
There is a USF study abroad program in Salamanca, Spain that I'm starting to get excited about doing. The only problem is figuring out the payment scheme. I'm going to work on that as soon as I get back to campus. Nothing is anywhere near official, but if all goes well I'll be in Salamanca next fall. It's better than the other Bright Futures-eligible programs out there.
Random note: Allen Iverson is a Denver Nugget. In other news, the apocalypse is upon us. I still can't picture a guy like him living in Denver. Can you say culture shock? |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 25th, 2006|07:14 pm] |
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This'll be a short post cause I'm really really super busy. Fall break last week - I went home for the weekend and came back on Tuesday. Partied with my roomates the rest of the week instead of getting work done, so now I'm reading four academic journal articles a day and still am behind. This weekend is Halloween PCP, so I'll be doing something special for sure. In fact, I'll have my something special tomorrow. Until then, work work work. I get my Int'l Political Economy mid-term back tomorrow, I'm really not excited about it. I don't want to get it back. Next week, I have a tutorial paper to write and I really need to get going on my IPE research project. Intermediate Micro is, as always, a struggle. Spanish is a pain in the ass right now, but I'm going to stick with it. I'm sick of video games! My music tastes are growing into areas I never imagined they would - Del the Funky Homosapien, Nine Inch Nails, and Miles Davis have been really interesting me lately. The weather is nice enough to leave the windows open. I haven't talked to my sister since hanging up on her a month ago. My parents are coming up for Parents Weekend next weekend. I'm watching more NFL this year than I did last, which is a welcomed change. I don't miss home at all, I can hardly stand to be there for a weekend. I don't know how I'll survive three weeks for Christmas Break. I still don't know when I'm studying abroad - or where, for that matter. I'm still considering not going anywhere, but that would be less than optimal. Latin American Politics is really depressing sometimes, but it's interesting so I enjoy it. I want to do a tutorial for another region's politics. A few more projects like this and I'll know everything about everywhere. Okay, back to work... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 16th, 2006|12:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nine Inch Nails - Reptiles | ] |
I'm at home for the weekend. "Home," as it should be. I feel more at home at New College than I do in Tamarac. I can connect with my friends a lot better than I can connect with my parents, even my Dad, with whom I have never had trouble communicating, until now. I find myself always wanting to be alone here, wishing my parents would just leave me alone all the time. I hate it. I love my parents, I really do, but they just don't relate to me anymore. My parents buy me alcohol now, but, even though I know they don't care if I drink it around them, I wait until they're out of the room to touch it. It doesn't make any sense, but feelings rarely do. As much as I love New College, three hours away is not far enough. I wish I lived three days away. I think I'll be on campus on Tuesday, but I'm seriously considering going back tomorrow. Perhaps in the evening. My mom is back to "normal" but that's still not very good. I saw her smoke a cigarette for the first time in my life earlier this evening. She's trying to kill herself slowly, I've heard her talk about it a lot. Or perhaps she picked it up in the mental hospital she was in for more than a month. She bought the Jim Beam and Coconut Rum for herself, not for me, but I've been drinking it so as to leave less for her. Meanwhile, I still haven't spoken to my sister since I hung up on her when she called to bitch me out about not having a job. This is a time when I need to have people on my side, when I need people to understand what I'm going through without writing my concerns and stresses off as petty and meaningless, and my sister seems to forget how my parents are. My friends are the only ones who get it, who understand how it is to be finding their own way independent of their parents for the first time in their lives. As stressful as school is, it's not as hard as dealing with my family right now. I can't wait to study abroad and be a world away from this shit.
On a wholly unrelated note, I just read the most touching article in my life. It was written by Anna Politkovskaya, the Russian journalist who was murdered this week in what was undoubtably a political killing. She earned her reputation for bravery and objectivity for her reporting during the Russian war in Chechenya. At washingtonpost.com, they have her final manuscript, where she talks about how the Putin regime wanted her dead and the mainstream Russian media depicts her as the "madwoman of Moscow." Hers is the face of real, defiantly objective journalism. It is a tragedy that seriousminded people like her and the Russian bureaucrat Andrei Kozlov get killed for serving the people, while Vladimir Putin keeps a lid on Russian democracy and Roman Abromovich, the rich Russian oligarch who no doubt made his money in a very dubious way, spends money on world-class soccer players (he owns the English Premiership club Chelsea) rather than promoting social or political progress in Russia. I don't think I'll be able to support Chelsea. Ever. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 9th, 2006|12:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Beck - The Information | ] |
Things are solidifying at home, or so it seems, which is a positive development. I won't know for sure until I go back next weekend for fall break. I seriously doubt I'll spend more than the weekend there, but I'm not sure yet. Catie and Scott are probably going to spend most of Fall Break in Sarasota, and I need to do a lot of research (which, I suppose, I'm just as likely to do at home...but still). I've seriously had enough of home after summer vacation (vacation? those are supposed to be fun, interesting, and enjoyable, three things that my summer was not).
Beck's new album, The Information, is pretty awesome. I've been listening to it a lot the last few days.
Hung out with the Lisas, Aaron, Hooch, and Morgan last night. That was pretty damn fun. I want to hang out with them more. I've noticed that my roomates and I have been hanging out with more first years than second years, which is a strange development. I think it's because the first years are out and about more often, whereas second years usually stay in the Dortstein rooms or Pei if they still live over there. I know I do most of my hanging out in my room. First years seem to have more time on their hands too.
Scott asked me tonight, "what happened to us? Weren't we drinking like every night last semester? Now we only party on Friday and Saturday. WTF?" I found myself in Pei on Tuesday night (rare for me) and was reminded of what my first year was like: schoolwork until sundown, partying till passing out. Those were the days. However, I'm okay with the situation I'm in now. I still really feel like I should get a job, but I also still feel a lot more pressured by school than at almost any point last semester. I didn't feel like I had to struggle last year like I am now. Thinking back to the boredom of summer, this is pretty much exactly what I wanted: to concentrate on school and friends. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2006|12:22 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pink Floyd - The Great Gig in the Sky | ] |
I have so much to be happy about and so much to live for here in Sarasota, but I keep getting brought down by the ever-so-dismal situation with my family. I'm looking forward to the day when I'll be financially, emotionally, and geographically independent from them. I think I want to move to another country.
I should probably get a job. School seems like it's softening up a bit. I just need to get started on the Int'l Political Economy research paper. It's about Argentina. I know stuff about Argentina. How hard can it be? I just need to sit down and write some stuff and I'll be good for a little while.
Part of me is really excited about fall break and part of me dreads (and I think that may be an understatement) it. Whether it's good or not depends solely on how my mom is doing. She got home from the hospital yesterday. I talked to her. She seemed decent, but who knows. My dad is always dismal all the time and, though I understand his feelings completely, I feel depressed whenever I talk to him. I wish my parents had a better situation than they do now. I need to do better. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 27th, 2006|11:20 pm] |
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As per normal, things are going a hell of a lot better here than at home. Mom is going to a mental hospital for three months. My sister thinks I'm a fucking loser because I'm only in my second year of college and already feel like I have too much schoolwork to get a job. She called me last night to bitch me out about not having a job yet. I'm sick of her shit. She needs to figure out that two parents are enough. If she has so fucking much on her plate she shouldn't have time to call me to bitch to me about my life. At least dad is on my side, and that's what matters. I'm definitely not ruling out working this semester, but things have been pretty intense so far. I have my first intermediate Microecon exam tomorrow. That's going to be pretty hard, but prof Elliott is awesome. Social life is going well enough. I'm having a good time when I'm not studying all day, and I'm interested in what I'm studying, so it works out fine. I'm going home in a couple weeks for at least a few days of fall break. I'm looking forward to seeing dad again, but I'll be swamped with homework. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2006|02:03 pm] |
I don't think I've felt this much pressure from academics at New College. I may have bit off more than I can chew with this tutorial, it's pretty hardcore. My Spanish prof told the class today that we should spend two hours a day on Spanish. Wishful thinking. Another week, another Micro problem set. I need to finish that today. Hopefully it won't take too long. I just took an IPE quiz, did okay not great but I know how to study for it now so I'll do much better next time...I hope. Huge fucking project on the docket for that class.
Dad needs me to get a job. How the fuck am I going to have the time to even find a job, much less work? Shitty. Oh well, things could be worse. A lot worse. |
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